Me, myself and I :)

Hello you!

Yes, it's me again. Yes, I am on holiday again. This time to familiar places. It's more a visit to friends than exploring new horizons. But then again, you never know where you could end up.

But.. There is something weird about this trip. I wasn't counting down, it wouldn't have matter much if i left now or in a week or a month. Which is weird.

I feel weird about this trip.

This morning when I got to the airport there were Americans everywhere. And for those who know me, I love Americans. I like their confidence, their will to communicate, their way of wanting to be someone in life.
But this morning... for the first time in my life, I had a bad thought. As they were talking loudly I thought: God, do you have to be this annoying?

OMG, did I really think that?

Could it have been the fact that I had no sleep at all last night, and that i was just a little tired? 

Or did I have too many things going on in my life so I didn't prepare for my holiday?

Or did I really change after going on my Ozzie roadtrip?

And if it wasn't my fatigue, then what was that?

Don't get me wrong my dear American friends, I love you all. And i still love the American accent and freedom, so you can imagine how shocked I was when I had an opinion I dislike in most Belgians.

I got on the plane, and so did my weird feeling.

Maybe I just needed to sleep. Since they needed to hose the plane down due to some ice it took a little longer before take off. I fell asleep even before we got off the ground.

I think I slept for half an hour. I was thirsty. But due to some rough weather the captain hadn't turned off the seatbelt sign yet so the flight attendants couldn't bring us anything yet.

I started to watch a movie with Angelina Jolie, but I couldn't stay awake. I dozed off.... Had weird dreams and I woke up again by the smell of food. Yummy.

I know you must call me crazy but I like airplane food :) It's like a Kinder Surprise for grown ups. You never know how it's gonna look like or taste untill you take the lit off. Haha...

It was delecious: tandoori chicken with vegetable rice. Yum!

Anyway, after the meal I was tryiing to figure out why I was feeling this weird.

Was it because I wasn't going anyplace new?

No... that couldn't be it. But what was it?

Frustrated I turned on my netbook and watched a movie I found more interesting: 'The Proposal'

Funny chick flick with gorgeous actors.

I liked it, laughed a lot. The couple next to me must have thought I was going insane haha.

At the end of a perfect ending to a love story I was thinking about my life again.

The fact that I really miss love in my life. The fact that I stuff my agenda so I wouldn't have to deal with the fact that i'm almost 31 and still single.

Don't get me wrong, I love my life. I just love life and every aspect of it. Yes, every aspect.

But lately, and I hate myself for saying this, I have this empty feeling.. I have so much love and no one special to give it to. And I don't even know if i'm the 'relation ship' type...

I'm a sagittarius. Known for there restlessness, and eagerness to find new & exciting things.

And than it hit me.

I know... I know why I feel this way..

No, it's not that I need a man in my life.

It's the fact that, for the first time ever, I'm not running away anymore.

I used to book a flight to get away... from me. I was on the run, every time.

When I couldn't deal with my own thoughts or feelings, I needed to get away.

But it's different now. Ever since my roadtrip through Australia and New Zealand I can tell I'v changed.

I had to deal with myself over there. Even if I went to the next city, me and my emotions were there with me all the time. On the plane, on the bus, on a mountain, in the shower...

I had my crash in New Zealand, next to a lake named Taupo. Beautiful blue water.

I crashed... For the first time in almost 4 years I faced my worst enemy: me.

I cried that night. About love I lost, love i still miss, people I hurt, people whom i let down.

My roadtrip was therapy for me. But this blog isn't about Australia, it's about America. My first love.

For the first time I'm going on a trip with me, myself and I. No more running...

I accepted myself as a travel buddy. Sometimes we get along, sometimes we fight and sometimes we cry. But for the most part we just smile to each other and take on whatever comes our way!

Love always,
Tania